No announcement yet.

Say something funny

  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Say something funny

    Come on. Let's be lame with bad jokes and what not. Say something funny.

    Once upon a time there was a giant dwarf (which is pretty weird) and a tiny giant (WTF, this story is just stupid!) and a jackass of a donky (well that's normal) and the giant dwarf said "Hey tiny giant wanna fight?" and the tiny giant replyes "Sure, just wait till i get some growth potions". And then time goes and the tiny giant returns, so the giant dwarf says "Dude werent u supposed to get some growth potions?" The tiny giant replyes "I did" and he pulls down his pants, "WTF, dude are u gonna fight me with that thing??". Before the tiny giant answers the jackass kicks the tiny giant in the nuts! And the tiny giant faints.. The jackass then says "I just did that cuz i was jealous of his package." And then the giant dwarf runs and puts on a nutcup.. The jackass says "Don't be afraid, youre not big enough".
    "So, where shouldn't I go so that I don't turn the power back on, accidentally?"

  • #2
    Re: Say something funny

    A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, ''Hey, lady! You're really ugly!" The lady was furious and continued on her way.

    On the way home, she passed by the petstore again and the parrot once more said "Hey, lady! You're really ugly!" She was incredibly ticked now, so she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.

    The next day, she deliberately passed by the store to test the parrot. "Hey, lady!" it said.


    "You know."


    • #3
      Re: Say something funny

      So,i have to say somethig funny?
      What Max Payne was said first,when he look mirror himself by Max Payne 2?
      -OH yeah! no,plastic face no more!! But,where the hell is the killer smile!!???
      Get it? funny,isn it? no, it was stupid joke.sorry
      Bright Falls: There must be some kind of way out of here.


      • #4
        Re: Say something funny

        There were 3 basketball players, one each from IU, Notre Dame, and Purdue, standing on a burning roof in Indianapolis. The fire department came with a blanket and yelled to the Notre Dame player to jump. He jumped and they moved it to the right. He hit the sidewalk with a splat.
        They then called to the IU player to jump. He said that he wouldn't jump. They said they liked IU better than Norte Dame. So he jumped and the fire department moved the blanket to the left. The IU player hit with a splat on the sidewalk.

        Then they called to the Purdue player to jump. He said that he wouldn't jump. The fire department said they hated IU and Notre Dame. He yelled back, "Lay the blanket down on the sidewalk, and then I'll jump!"


        • #5
          Re: Say something funny

          Sorry for double-posting but I want you to read this one in a seperate post.

          There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish confessing to adultery.
          One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"

          Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say instead that they had 'fallen.'

          This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well until the priest passed away at a ripe old age.

          A few days after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

          "Mayor, you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep telling me they've fallen."

          The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. But, before he could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at him and shouted, "I don't know what you're laughing about, because your wife has fallen three times this week!"


          • #6
            Re: Say something funny

            A camel and an elephant met on a road. The elephant asked the camel: ''Why do you have boobs on your back?'' The camel responded: ''I wouldn't say nothing as you, if i had a **** in face''



            • #7
              Re: Say something funny

              well,adm,you can also tell we,what is the funniest joke from australia?!
              Bright Falls: There must be some kind of way out of here.


              • #8
                Re: Say something funny

                A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time.

                The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he''d like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

                That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I''m so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!"

                The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl''s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

                The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"


                • #9
                  Re: Say something funny

                  One time there was the drunk who hopped on the bus. Right after he put the money in the slot, he fell. He got up, looked around and noticed everyone sitting and standing still with no problems at all. So he ponders to himself how he fell. "I'm not as drunk as I think I am" he thinks to himself. two minutes of standing there thinking of how he fell, he falls again. this time on his face. So once again he get's back up and looks all around and still all the people who are sitting and standing are still. Then he looks out the window and notices a change in scenery. He finally realized after a little help of the people in front section of the bus that the bus was moving the entire time. He also notices that the people who are standing are holding on to something. "Wo man that's some freaky sh!t!" And everyone shakes their heads.
                  "So, where shouldn't I go so that I don't turn the power back on, accidentally?"


                  • #10
                    Re: Say something funny

                    A drunken man staggered into a Catholic church, sat down in the Confessional and said nothing.
                    The priest is waiting and waiting and waiting.
                    The priest coughs to attract the drunk man's attention, but still the man says nothing.
                    The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.
                    Finally the drunk replies, ''No use knockin,' pal. There's no paper."


                    • #11
                      Re: Say something funny

                      Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!

                      I'm not surprised! You've got no arms!
                      "So, where shouldn't I go so that I don't turn the power back on, accidentally?"


                      • #12
                        Re: Say something funny

                        ^^ heh. Bad taste but very funny


                        • #13
                          Re: Say something funny

                          My nan can do better, come on guys, lol.

                          Although I laughed at the Pharmacist joke


                          • #14
                            Re: Say something funny

                            OK... Here we go again!

                            A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest. She lies down on the bed... just then, and elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.
                            Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he'll be right up. The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true.

                            "Look... lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!"

                            So he lies down next to the wife. Just then the husband walks in. "What," he says, "are you doing here?"

                            The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"

                            And again!

                            An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Monte Casino went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, "Father, during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic."

                            The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you have no need to confess that." "It's worse than that, father. She started to repay me with sexual favors."

                            The priest said, "By doing that, you were both in great danger. However, two people under those circumstances can be very tempted to act that way. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."

                            "Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I do have one more question ."

                            "And what is that?" asked the priest.

                            "Should I tell her the war is over?"

                            And a last one!

                            An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on in years and the farmer figured getting a new rooster couldn't hurt. So he buys a new cock from the local rooster emporium, and turns him loose in the barnyard. Well, the old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he's a little worried about being replaced. He walks up to the new bird. "So you're the new stud in town? I bet you really think you're hot stuff don't you? Well I'm not ready for the chopping block yet. I'll bet I'm still the better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there. We'll run around it ten times and whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens for himself." Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely thought he was more than a match for the old guy. "You're on," he said, "and since I'm so great, I'll even give you a head start of half a lap. I'll still win easy!" So the two roosters go over to the henhouse to start the race with all the hens gathering to watch. The race begins and all the hens start cheering the old rooster on. After the first lap, the old rooster is still maintaining his lead. After the second lap, the old guy's lead has slipped a little -- but he's still hanging in there. Unfortunately, the old rooster's lead continues to slip each time around, and by the fifth lap he's just barely in front of the young fella. By now the farmer has heard the commotion. He runs into the house, gets his shotgun and runs into the barnyard figuring a fox or something is after his chickens. When he gets there, he sees the two roosters running around the henhouse, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead. He immediately takes his shotgun, aims, fires, and blows the young rooster away. "Damn. That's the third gay rooster I've bought this month."


                            • #15
                              Re: Say something funny

                              Your mama''s glasses are so thick that when she lookes on a map she can see people waving.

                              Yo mama is so dumb, she tripped over a cordless phone.

                              Yo mama is so dumb, she thought a quarter back was a refund.

                              Yo mama is so dumb, when her radio batteries were dead, she buried them.

                              Yo mama so short, she did a suicide jump off of the curb.

                              Yo mama's fart stinks so bad that George Bush declared it biological warfare.

                              Yo mama is like a hockey player she doesn't change her pad for three periods.

                              Yo mama so dumb, she tried putting M&Ms in alphabetical order.

                              Yo mama's so fat, she's like a blimp--round and full of gas.

                              Yo mama''s so fat, she dont need the internet - she''s already world wide.

                              Yo mama's so fat the only time she sees 90210 is on a scale!

                              Yo mama is so fat when she skips a meal, the stock-market drops.

                              Your momma is so fat the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs

                              Yo momma is so fat that when she wore high-heels, she struck oil!