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Old 04-09-2012, 02:14 PM   #1
el butterfly
Alan wake wild mass guessing

Tvtopes has a great page for crazy alan wake theories

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/WMG/AlanWake

some of them are actually really clever

Some are just hilarious
Last edited by el butterfly; 04-09-2012 at 02:16 PM.
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Old 04-10-2012, 01:59 PM   #2
Jill
Re: Alan wake wild mass guessing

Quote:
Originally Posted by el butterfly View Post
Some are just hilarious

Oh yeah! Here’s my favorite:

Spoiler:


No offense to anybody but this “theory” is wickedly hilarious!!! I mean, I’ve seen some weird sh*t out there when it comes to the Alan Wake “theories,” but this one tops it all when it comes to “weirdness.”

I wonder if Alice will be shocked or be surprised when she finds out that her “Superman” is actually a “Wonder Woman!” – YAY!!!

Alice and Barry are having an affair? – Hell No!!! – Alice and Barry don’t get along because Alice is suspicious of Alan’s affair with Barry!!! – Awww F@ck!!! This “theory” is messed up!!!

Maybe the Anderson Brothers (Odin and Tor) are not really “brothers” but rather “Partners!” – Eeeeeeewwwwwwwww!!! – It would take more than just “moonshine” to get through that wrinkly skin. It would take some serious “Lube!” – F@ck, that’s Nasty!!! – This “theory” is really messed up!!!

Maybe Dr. Hartman is also a “HOMO!” I mean, look, he is after Alan Wake since the beginning of the game! Do you know what Dr. Hartman’s last words to Alan Wake are? Here, check it out in the “spoiler” tab below:

Spoiler:


Dr. Hartman, you wicked, sick, sick man!!! You want Alan Wake for yourself! But Alan refused you because there is only one (1) partner in Alan’s life – Barry Wheeler!!!

F@ck!!!..................... f@ck! f@ck!f@ck!.......................This “theory” is Nasty, and Disgusting!!! It’s messed up!....................Totally Messed Up!!!

And Alan Wake wrote all of this!!! With this “theory” above on my first “spoiler” tab, Alan Wake is not just a “Big Bastard,” Alan Wake is also a “Sick Bastard!”

Why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why………I told you I’m a Psycho, Psycho, PSYCHO!!!................(Mr. Scratch – still doing the hip thrus………..F@ck, I don’t want to do this anymore! This “theory” just ruined it!..............Mr. Scratch, you freakin’ Man Eater!!!...........You are a Nasty, Nasty Dude!!!)
Last edited by Jill; 04-10-2012 at 02:02 PM.
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Old 04-10-2012, 02:40 PM   #3
MikkiRMD

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Re: Alan wake wild mass guessing

Aaaand if we could rein in the rampant homophobia, that'd be great.

Like the occasional stupid remark? Follow me on Twitter: @MikkiRMD
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Old 04-10-2012, 02:58 PM   #4
Jill
Re: Alan wake wild mass guessing

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Originally Posted by MikkiRMD View Post
Aaaand if we could rein in the rampant homophobia, that'd be great.

Oh Mikki, You know this is just for fun. I mentioned it in the very beginning that I meant no offense to anybody! I love all our brothers and sisters! Even the most imperfect ones – I love them all! I was just riding the waves when “el butterfly” said that some theories were hilarious! No offense to anybody, that’s all!

I just want to add one more thing to the theory above:

“No wonder all the “Takens” are men!!! And they are all after Alan Wake!!!”

Again, Mikki Dude, this is just additional fun! I know the real reason why. You already mentioned it before in another thread. It’s due to some technical constraints.
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Old 04-10-2012, 03:00 PM   #5
Mirror Peak
Re: Alan wake wild mass guessing

It's still pretty bad taste, dude.

Someone said Zane, "...figured out how to exploit the plot holes for his own ends and is working to free himself by using Alan as a pawn in his chess match versus the darkness.", and I'm not sure why I never thought of that before.
Last edited by Mirror Peak; 04-10-2012 at 03:07 PM.
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Old 04-10-2012, 03:26 PM   #6
Jill
Re: Alan wake wild mass guessing

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Originally Posted by Mirror Peak View Post
It's still pretty bad taste, dude.

I admit, it’s my “BAD” elaborating on it. But it’s bad enough that somebody started it. There are some “KIDS” playing this game, too, you know. It’s a fact, and I know it.

The games are “rated” but some games slip through the hands of minors after it goes out from the market. It’s a Fact of Life! And we can’t change that. I admit that I added fuel to the fire, but it’s bad enough that somebody actually started it.

So, my suggestion is, why don’t we ask “side two” if he could remove the entire thread. Minors could gain access to it whether we like it or not. I’m not against “el butterfly.” My concern is that it’s not good for “Minors” interested in the game to access it and see that their beloved protagonist is deemed to be something different.

I’m all for the best of all concerned. After all Alan Wake is a game. And games are played mostly by our younger counterparts who still have unstable processes. Their Brains are still developing. That’s all.
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Old 04-10-2012, 03:31 PM   #7
Mirror Peak
Re: Alan wake wild mass guessing

Seriously? Are you being serious?
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Old 04-10-2012, 03:43 PM   #8
Jill
Re: Alan wake wild mass guessing

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Originally Posted by Mirror Peak View Post
Seriously? Are you being serious?

Serious with what, this theory – hell no! – It’s not my theory in the first place.

Serious with what, the “Minors?” – “Wake” up, Dude! – Some “Minors” play this game, you just don’t know it. I’m not saying “toddlers.” I said “Minors.” And what do you think they would say to this theory when they found out that their beloved protagonist is deemed to be something different?
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Old 04-10-2012, 03:52 PM   #9
Mirror Peak
Re: Alan wake wild mass guessing

They wouldn't say anything, they'd probably just start making out with each other and smoke gateway drugs if I know kids well. And I do.
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Old 04-10-2012, 04:19 PM   #10
Jill
Re: Alan wake wild mass guessing

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Originally Posted by Mirror Peak View Post
They wouldn't say anything, they'd probably just start making out with each other and smoke gateway drugs if I know kids well. And I do.

Oh yeah! You are probably right. But there are some kids out there, too, that have a little sense of direction in their lives. And most of them that think this way are the ones that get a liking to these kinds of games.

Anyway, the point is, you actually seem to accept this theory. Are you serious? I mean, I am not against anybody. I mentioned that in the beginning of my post. I always consider all the possible theories. But it sounds like you are believing this one to be true. Is Alan Wake really a homosexual?

It’s possible. I don’t contest this. But would Remedy accept this? I mean, is this really the message that they want to bring out to the world? After all the mysteries, this is really the secret mystery that Remedy is trying to relay to us? I don’t know? I can’t speak for them.
If it is, I’m cool with it! The question is, is Remedy cool with it?
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Old 04-10-2012, 05:31 PM   #11
Pickman

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Re: Alan wake wild mass guessing

Hee hee hee! This is quite funny and interesting theory. Not that I believe it.

What's so bad about talking homosexuality? Maybe Jill calling it disgusting and sick was going overboard, but I think It's just because he got too "funny", I guess is the right word. It happens.

I think, the idea of Alan coming out of the closet, isn't such an bad idea. I KNOW IT'S NOT TRUE! But seeing people in the closet, it's painful to watch. They can never be happy with their lives truly and if Alan Wake would give them some boost to come out. It would be a pretty darn nice thing.

Stay positive people.


I don't wanna be buried in a pet cemetary
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Old 04-10-2012, 06:53 PM   #12
Jill
Re: Alan wake wild mass guessing

Hey Pickman Dude! Glad to you have here!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Pickman View Post
Hee hee hee! This is quite funny and interesting theory. Not that I believe it.

Exactly! That was the intention. To be fun and interesting! And I agree with you – I don’t believe it either – I’m just being skeptical about it.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Pickman View Post
What's so bad about talking homosexuality? Maybe Jill calling it disgusting and sick was going overboard, but I think It's just because he got too "funny", I guess is the right word. It happens.

Again Pickman Dude, I agree with you on all counts! I admit some mistakes, but they were there just for effects. To be fun and at the same time maybe to be “funny” as well! They were not meant to be offensive at all. Not to anybody. I’ve even mentioned it from the beginning of my first post! It’s all just for fun!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Pickman View Post
I think, the idea of Alan coming out of the closet, isn't such an bad idea. I KNOW IT'S NOT TRUE!

I totally agree with you, Dude! After all the things that I have added above, it’s a “theory” worth considering. I’ll keep it in my “radar.” We played Alan Wake like a rough caterpillar munching on anything that he encounters on his way. But if Alan eventually chooses to come out as a butterfly and spread his colorful wings, we can’t do nothin’ about it! Right, Dude?!

But I’m with you; it’s the least of all the weird “theories” out there that I will consider. Maybe it’s not even true at all, just like you’ve said.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Pickman View Post
But seeing people in the closet, it's painful to watch. They can never be happy with their lives truly and if Alan Wake would give them some boost to come out. It would be a pretty darn nice thing.

Exactly Dude! You are spot on again with this one, Pickman Dude! That is why I’ve asked the questions above about Remedy. Is Remedy willing to accept this? Is this really the message that they really want to bring out to the whole world? I asked these questions because we are talking about the “Whole World!” I’m just a single person, and I can accept anything you throw at me! But I don’t know if the “Whole World!” is ready to accept this “theory” easily. Let alone be the real answer to all these mysteries if Remedy would really reveal it that Alan Wake is indeed a homosexual. I’m just theoretically speaking that the “world” would be in a shock! Imagine what the “world” would say about Remedy then if the “world” can’t accept that yet, right away? That would be painful for both parties as well, don’t you think, Dude?

That is why I agree with you, Dude. There is nothing to hide! People should learn to come out into the “Light!” It’s not easy at first and of course sometimes may be painful as well. But eventually, you are out of that “Darkness,” and you will realize that this is really who you are! And the “whole world,” they will eventually learn to accept you overtime. As long as you are good to the world, then hopefully the world will give back their goodness to you! If they aren’t, then F@ck that! What is important is that you are good to yourself and to others, and that you are “out” of your own “Darkness!”

I'm really glad to talk to you again, Pickman Dude!


Cheers!
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Old 04-10-2012, 09:28 PM   #13
Jill
Re: Alan wake wild mass guessing

Hey guys, do you remember Agent Nightingale? Isn’t he after Alan Wake because of the death of his “PARTNER!”……………..Messed up, Dudes!.....................Nasty Boy, you Nightingale you!!!
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Old 04-10-2012, 09:40 PM   #14
Jill
Re: Alan wake wild mass guessing

Maybe Alan Wake doesn’t mean to write it as “Deer Fest.” Maybe what Alan Wake really meant to write was
“PRIDE FEST!!!”…………………Aaawwwwww!!!...............I’m gonna’ bite ya,’ you little man-eater you!!!
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Old 04-11-2012, 02:15 PM   #15
Jill
Re: Alan wake wild mass guessing

At the end of the first game, we see Pat Maine and Doc Nelson coming out of their closets and becoming the next “hot” couple in Bright Falls. Oh Yeah! You could see them at the “ending scene” giving some love to each other. That’s what “Pride Fest” is all about!!!

I guess Pat Maine and Doc Nelson is gonna’ need more than just “moonshine” as well……………….Naughty, Naughty, Naughty!!!
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Old 04-11-2012, 02:26 PM   #16
Morry

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Re: Alan wake wild mass guessing

4 posts in a row...don't you think that's a sign that the joke has gotten old?

Remedy's currently known projects:
Quantum Break - no date announced
Agents of Storm - early 2014
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Old 04-11-2012, 03:51 PM   #17
Jill
Re: Alan wake wild mass guessing

Quote:
Originally Posted by Morry View Post
4 posts in a row...don't you think that's a sign that the joke has gotten old?

Okay Morry, I've been naughty, too. I’ll stop now. But can I please post one last joke? PLEEEEEEEEEEASE? Thanks Dude!

Here it goes:



There have been some speculations out there that a town called “Night Springs” really exists in Alan’s reality! It is believed to be the next town near Bright Falls. Yup! You could actually see it in Alan Wake’s dream in the beginning of the game. Do you see the broken bridge in the beginning of Alan’s dream? It’s called “Old Ma” Campbell, Cape Campbell Covered Bridge! On this bridge, you could see a sign above that says “Welcome to Night Springs.” This bridge is indicating that it leads to the next town called “Night Springs!” The Lighthouse is located at Rain Cove Point near this bridge. And this Lighthouse actually exists in Alan’s reality according to Clay Steward! Clay has a picture of the Lighthouse in reality! And what is this town close to the Lighthouse where the bridge is? – “Night Springs!”

Guess what Guys; this Town of Night Springs has an Annual Festival as well, just like the neighboring towns. They call it “Duck Fest” due to the town’s high population of ducks. But, since Alan Wake changed reality when Alan wrote the “Departure” manuscript, the festival is now called “D*ck Fest!”




When “Night” falls, something hard “Springs-up”……………in “Night Springs!”
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Old 04-11-2012, 10:46 PM   #18
Mirror Peak
Re: Alan wake wild mass guessing

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jill View Post
Oh yeah! You are probably right. But there are some kids out there, too, that have a little sense of direction in their lives. And most of them that think this way are the ones that get a liking to these kinds of games.

Anyway, the point is, you actually seem to accept this theory. Are you serious? I mean, I am not against anybody. I mentioned that in the beginning of my post. I always consider all the possible theories. But it sounds like you are believing this one to be true. Is Alan Wake really a homosexual?

It’s possible. I don’t contest this. But would Remedy accept this? I mean, is this really the message that they want to bring out to the world? After all the mysteries, this is really the secret mystery that Remedy is trying to relay to us? I don’t know? I can’t speak for them.
If it is, I’m cool with it! The question is, is Remedy cool with it?
Heavens no! I couldn't imagine anyone actually telling children that "gay is okay", let alone making the protagonist a "gay" in a video game. Could you? Next thing you know, that sort of thing would be considered NORMAL, of all things! I agree completely that if kids found out Alan was gay it'd irreversibly damage their fragile psyches. You're also absolutely right that your "jokes" are far less hurtful to young minds than the idea that Alan is a homosexual. This thread shouldn't be locked because of your comments, but instead in the off chance that a misguided youth stumbles upon this link and gets the idea into their head that such a thing could be acceptable.

Sarcasm mode off. I have to admit, having some good friends who also happen to be gay, it's intensely disappointing to have to read things like this. I don't want to start an argument, so I'm not going to reply to anything you say. Just wanted to air my grievances.
Last edited by Mirror Peak; 04-11-2012 at 10:57 PM.
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Old 04-12-2012, 04:16 PM   #19
Jill
Re: Alan wake wild mass guessing

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Originally Posted by Mirror Peak View Post
Heavens no! I couldn't imagine anyone actually telling children that "gay is okay", let alone making the protagonist a "gay" in a video game. Could you? Next thing you know, that sort of thing would be considered NORMAL, of all things!

I agree with you Mirror Peak. I couldn’t imagine it either. But in a general sense, this statement could be “Debatable.” Now, before we go anywhere with this, I would like to take this “out of the box” and leave Remedy outside of this topic for awhile.

First of all, what is “NORMAL” in our society nowadays? The “World” is starting to accept the fact that there is a “Third Sex” party living among us. There is a “Pride” festival in almost all of the States in the U.S. and in major cities around the world! Who are we to change that?

Secondly, if Game Developers are going to make games with “homosexual” themes on it, what’s wrong with that? – Nothing! – The point is, the Developers should indicate that so that the public would know. The “world” can easily accept that, knowing that we have “Third Sex” party in our population. But when Developers decides to make a mystery or a metaphor of “homosexuality” and apply it to the main protagonist of their game, now this is messed-up! And you know how the “world” hates surprised “F@cked-ups!” (Again, I’ve mentioned it above, this is not about Remedy. They are out of this topic.)

So, my message is, if Developers are going to make games about “homosexuality,” then tell it to the world! The public needs to know. The “World” is a sucker for the “TRUTH!”


Quote:
Originally Posted by Mirror Peak View Post
You're also absolutely right that your "jokes" are far less hurtful to young minds than the idea that Alan is a homosexual.

I appreciate that you look at it this way, Mirror Peak. But “Honestly” – honest to goodness from the bottom of my heart kind of talk – these are really just “jokes.” Meant to be just for “Fun” and not hurtful. Never to be hurtful to anybody at all – “Never!” – I mean, take a look at it above, Pickman got it and acknowledge it that these are just “jokes.” Even Morry, one of the Moderators of this Community, also mentions it above that these are just “jokes.” Because that’s what they really are, my friend! Just “Jokes.”

Now, what I don’t understand is why some people call Alan a “Nut Job” in the game! How could Alan Wake be a “Nut Job” if Alan’s favorite thing is “Squeezing Nuts!!!”

Oh F@ck! I did it again, didn’t I?!!! – (Sneaky Bastard!)

You see Mirror Peak; it’s all just for fun. Now, let me tell you a story, a “true” story! Have you seen those stand-up comedies on T.V.? Have you seen some episodes where a “Black” Dude is making jokes about his fellow “Black” people? Now, this “Black” Dude could get away with it because he is “Black.” But if any other person who ain’t “Black” is gonna’ make the same jokes to “Black” people, f@ck! it’s going to be a freakin’ massacre! They’ll crucify this Dude! You know?! Now, isn’t this messed-up as well?! But, that’s how our society “thinks” and “see” things. Our society could accept it if the joke is delivered by a person that fits the “norm.” But when it doesn’t fit, it’s freakin’ World War III even though it’s really the same f@cking jokes! The Jokes Are The Same! Now isn’t that a f@cked-up mentality for how the World really “thinks” and “see” things?!

My point really is this; the reason why this “Black” Dude is making jokes about “Black” people is not because he likes to “mock” his own people. No! The main reason why he is doing it is because the “Jokes” are really “Funny!” They are f@cking “Funny!” And that is really the message that he wants to relay to everybody. – “It’s just for fun!” – That’s it!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Mirror Peak View Post
Sarcasm mode off. I have to admit, having some good friends who also happen to be gay, it's intensely disappointing to have to read things like this.

Sarcasm mode off, I know a lot of people that belong to the “Third Sex” as well, both male and female! Some are from work, and some are connected to my female friends. I interact with them on a regular basis, professionally at work and leisurely when we have parties for the holidays. And these “Third Sex” acquaintances are highly respectable members of society! They do remarkable jobs and hold positions that are equal to all sexes! And that is one of my messages, aside from being funny. That people should show the world “Who You Are” and not “What You Are!” If a person is “gay” that’s “What You Are.” If this person always tells the world “What They Are,” the world would freak out! But instead, tell the world “Who You Are!” Meaning, tell the world that you are a Decent, Honest, Respectable, and Clean “Gay” Person in your society that could contribute to the well being of the entire community! Don’t tell the world “What You Are” because that is a freak show! But rather, tell the world “Who You Are” because our world is fickle minded, always looking for “the bad” and only “the bad” in other people! Do you know why, because that is how the world re-affirms that they themselves are “good” by looking at the “bad” of others in society! Remember, “Who You Are” (The Good) and not “What You Are” (The Freaky!)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Mirror Peak View Post
I don't want to start an argument, so I'm not going to reply to anything you say. Just wanted to air my grievances.

Again Dude, My comments and previous postings above are “Never” meant to start an argument! – “NEVER!” – They were “never’ meant to offend anyone, and they were “never” meant to start an argument either. I’ve already mentioned this from the beginning of my first post. This is all just for fun! Just for “FUN!”

Thanks Mirror Peak, it’s been a pleasure exchanging thoughts with you again! And remember, “Who You Are!”


Cheers Dude!
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Old 04-12-2012, 05:11 PM   #20
sidetwo

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Re: Alan wake wild mass guessing

Yeah, this thread is ruined....

Closed.

I'm on the Twitters! @sidetwo
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