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Old 09-21-2005, 11:21 AM   #1
Kahr

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Say something funny

Come on. Let's be lame with bad jokes and what not. Say something funny.


Once upon a time there was a giant dwarf (which is pretty weird) and a tiny giant (WTF, this story is just stupid!) and a jackass of a donky (well that's normal) and the giant dwarf said "Hey tiny giant wanna fight?" and the tiny giant replyes "Sure, just wait till i get some growth potions". And then time goes and the tiny giant returns, so the giant dwarf says "Dude werent u supposed to get some growth potions?" The tiny giant replyes "I did" and he pulls down his pants, "WTF, dude are u gonna fight me with that thing??". Before the tiny giant answers the jackass kicks the tiny giant in the nuts! And the tiny giant faints.. The jackass then says "I just did that cuz i was jealous of his package." And then the giant dwarf runs and puts on a nutcup.. The jackass says "Don't be afraid, youre not big enough".

"So, where shouldn't I go so that I don't turn the power back on, accidentally?"
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Old 09-23-2005, 07:53 AM   #2
Bulent
Re: Say something funny

A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, ''Hey, lady! You're really ugly!" The lady was furious and continued on her way.

On the way home, she passed by the petstore again and the parrot once more said "Hey, lady! You're really ugly!" She was incredibly ticked now, so she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.

The next day, she deliberately passed by the store to test the parrot. "Hey, lady!" it said.

"Yes?"

"You know."
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Old 09-23-2005, 10:50 AM   #3
remade

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Re: Say something funny

So,i have to say somethig funny?
What Max Payne was said first,when he look mirror himself by Max Payne 2?
-OH yeah! no,plastic face no more!! But,where the hell is the killer smile!!???
Get it? funny,isn it? no, it was stupid joke.sorry

Bright Falls: There must be some kind of way out of here.
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Old 09-23-2005, 01:24 PM   #4
Bulent
Re: Say something funny

There were 3 basketball players, one each from IU, Notre Dame, and Purdue, standing on a burning roof in Indianapolis. The fire department came with a blanket and yelled to the Notre Dame player to jump. He jumped and they moved it to the right. He hit the sidewalk with a splat.
They then called to the IU player to jump. He said that he wouldn't jump. They said they liked IU better than Norte Dame. So he jumped and the fire department moved the blanket to the left. The IU player hit with a splat on the sidewalk.

Then they called to the Purdue player to jump. He said that he wouldn't jump. The fire department said they hated IU and Notre Dame. He yelled back, "Lay the blanket down on the sidewalk, and then I'll jump!"
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Old 09-23-2005, 01:28 PM   #5
Bulent
Re: Say something funny

Sorry for double-posting but I want you to read this one in a seperate post.


There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish confessing to adultery.
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say instead that they had 'fallen.'

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well until the priest passed away at a ripe old age.

A few days after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

"Mayor, you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep telling me they've fallen."

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. But, before he could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at him and shouted, "I don't know what you're laughing about, because your wife has fallen three times this week!"
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Old 09-23-2005, 02:40 PM   #6
Hiki
Re: Say something funny

A camel and an elephant met on a road. The elephant asked the camel: ''Why do you have boobs on your back?'' The camel responded: ''I wouldn't say nothing as you, if i had a **** in face''

Haha..
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Old 09-23-2005, 03:34 PM   #7
remade

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Re: Say something funny

well,adm,you can also tell we,what is the funniest joke from australia?!

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Old 09-23-2005, 04:23 PM   #8
Bulent
Re: Say something funny

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he''d like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I''m so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl''s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"
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Old 09-23-2005, 04:52 PM   #9
Kahr

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Re: Say something funny

One time there was the drunk who hopped on the bus. Right after he put the money in the slot, he fell. He got up, looked around and noticed everyone sitting and standing still with no problems at all. So he ponders to himself how he fell. "I'm not as drunk as I think I am" he thinks to himself. two minutes of standing there thinking of how he fell, he falls again. this time on his face. So once again he get's back up and looks all around and still all the people who are sitting and standing are still. Then he looks out the window and notices a change in scenery. He finally realized after a little help of the people in front section of the bus that the bus was moving the entire time. He also notices that the people who are standing are holding on to something. "Wo man that's some freaky sh!t!" And everyone shakes their heads.

"So, where shouldn't I go so that I don't turn the power back on, accidentally?"
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Old 09-23-2005, 08:23 PM   #10
Bulent
Re: Say something funny

A drunken man staggered into a Catholic church, sat down in the Confessional and said nothing.
The priest is waiting and waiting and waiting.
The priest coughs to attract the drunk man's attention, but still the man says nothing.
The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.
Finally the drunk replies, ''No use knockin,' pal. There's no paper."
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Old 09-25-2005, 02:17 PM   #11
Kahr

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Re: Say something funny

Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!

I'm not surprised! You've got no arms!

"So, where shouldn't I go so that I don't turn the power back on, accidentally?"
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Old 09-25-2005, 07:33 PM   #12
sidetwo

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Re: Say something funny

^^ heh. Bad taste but very funny

I'm on the Twitters! @sidetwo
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Old 09-25-2005, 07:48 PM   #13
360Monster

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Re: Say something funny

My nan can do better, come on guys, lol.

Although I laughed at the Pharmacist joke
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Old 09-25-2005, 08:31 PM   #14
Bulent
Re: Say something funny

OK... Here we go again!

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest. She lies down on the bed... just then, and elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.
Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he'll be right up. The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true.

"Look... lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!"

So he lies down next to the wife. Just then the husband walks in. "What," he says, "are you doing here?"

The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"

And again!

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Monte Casino went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, "Father, during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you have no need to confess that." "It's worse than that, father. She started to repay me with sexual favors."

The priest said, "By doing that, you were both in great danger. However, two people under those circumstances can be very tempted to act that way. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."

"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I do have one more question ."

"And what is that?" asked the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over?"

And a last one!

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on in years and the farmer figured getting a new rooster couldn't hurt. So he buys a new **** from the local rooster emporium, and turns him loose in the barnyard. Well, the old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he's a little worried about being replaced. He walks up to the new bird. "So you're the new stud in town? I bet you really think you're hot stuff don't you? Well I'm not ready for the chopping block yet. I'll bet I'm still the better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there. We'll run around it ten times and whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens for himself." Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely thought he was more than a match for the old guy. "You're on," he said, "and since I'm so great, I'll even give you a head start of half a lap. I'll still win easy!" So the two roosters go over to the henhouse to start the race with all the hens gathering to watch. The race begins and all the hens start cheering the old rooster on. After the first lap, the old rooster is still maintaining his lead. After the second lap, the old guy's lead has slipped a little -- but he's still hanging in there. Unfortunately, the old rooster's lead continues to slip each time around, and by the fifth lap he's just barely in front of the young fella. By now the farmer has heard the commotion. He runs into the house, gets his shotgun and runs into the barnyard figuring a fox or something is after his chickens. When he gets there, he sees the two roosters running around the henhouse, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead. He immediately takes his shotgun, aims, fires, and blows the young rooster away. "Damn. That's the third gay rooster I've bought this month."
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Old 09-27-2005, 07:33 PM   #15
Bulent
Re: Say something funny

Your mama''s glasses are so thick that when she lookes on a map she can see people waving.

Yo mama is so dumb, she tripped over a cordless phone.

Yo mama is so dumb, she thought a quarter back was a refund.

Yo mama is so dumb, when her radio batteries were dead, she buried them.

Yo mama so short, she did a suicide jump off of the curb.

Yo mama's fart stinks so bad that George Bush declared it biological warfare.

Yo mama is like a hockey player she doesn't change her pad for three periods.

Yo mama so dumb, she tried putting M&Ms in alphabetical order.

Yo mama's so fat, she's like a blimp--round and full of gas.

Yo mama''s so fat, she dont need the internet - she''s already world wide.

Yo mama's so fat the only time she sees 90210 is on a scale!

Yo mama is so fat when she skips a meal, the stock-market drops.

Your momma is so fat the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs

Yo momma is so fat that when she wore high-heels, she struck oil!
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Old 09-28-2005, 10:54 PM   #16
OKich
Re: Say something funny

Well, exuse my english, but joke is:

Blonde is painting her hair into black. What is it? An Artificial Intelligence!

Yeah, it was stupid, maybe...
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Old 10-01-2005, 12:54 AM   #17
Bulent
Re: Say something funny

Two blondes are walking down a road, one has a large sports bag.
1st blonde: "What have you got in that bag?"

2nd blonde: "Chickens."

1st blonde: "If I can guess how many chickens you've got in that bag, can I have one of them?"

2nd blonde: "If you can guess how many chickens I've got in this bag, you can have BOTH of them!!"

1st blonde: Well, I think you've got three."
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Old 10-03-2005, 06:41 PM   #18
Gutsu
Re: Say something funny

When one panda, puts his willy into another panda's ear, that makes me a saaaaaaaaaaaad panda.
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Old 10-03-2005, 09:15 PM   #19
cheater388

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Re: Say something funny

I will say it again for you people:

my house grew france and went to legs!

alanwake is ungodly, you stole my clowd @&(*$ is ungodly, life is ungodly, max payne is ungodly...
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Old 10-04-2005, 11:27 AM   #20
Bulent
Re: Say something funny

Bush Quotes:

"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
...Governor George W. Bush

"Welcome to Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."
...Governor George W. Bush

"Mars is essentially in the same orbit...Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
...Governor George W. Bush, 8/11/94

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."
...Governor George W. Bush, 9/15/95

"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy -- but that could change."
...Governor George W. Bush, 5/22/98

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'."
...Governor George W. Bush, 12/6/93

"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."
...Governor George W. Bush, 11/30/96

"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."
...Governor George W. Bush

"The future will be better tomorrow."
...Governor George W. Bush

"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."
...Governor George W. Bush 9/21/97

"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history."
...Governor George W. Bush

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."
...Governor George W. Bush to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/93

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe."
...Governor George W. Bush

"Public speaking is very easy."
...Governor George W. Bush to reporters

"I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican."
...Governor George W. Bush

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
...Governor George W. Bush

"When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in LA, my answer has been direct & simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."
...George W. Bush

"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."
...Governor George W. Bush 5/20/96

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
...Governor George W. Bush 9/22/97

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."
...Governor George W. Bush, 9/5/93

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."
...Governor George W. Bush , 9/18/95

"The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that George Bush may or may not make."
...Governor George W. Bush

"We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made."
...Governor George W. Bush

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
...Governor George W. Bush

"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."
...Governor George W. Bush
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Old 10-14-2005, 04:50 PM   #21
Bulent
Re: Say something funny

A young man goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.
An old man on a Mo-ped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there sonny?"

The young man replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars"

"That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?"

"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the young man proudly.

The old man asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"

"No problem," replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.

Then, sitting back on his Mo-ped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right, but I'll stick with my Mo-ped!"

Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds, the speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be. Suddenly something whips by him going much faster!

"What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?" the young man asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Mo-ped! Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the moped at 275 mph. He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!

Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph. Not ten seconds later, he sees the Mo-ped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do.

Suddenly, the Mo-ped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end. The young man stops and jumps out and to see, unbelievably the old man is still alive. He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Oh My God! Is there anything I can do for you?"

The old man whispers, "Unhook...my...suspenders...from...your...side-view...mirror".
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Old 10-22-2005, 11:32 AM   #22
Bulent
Re: Say something funny

There's a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of them are Bush supporters.
Not really knowing what a Bush supporter is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy--Johnny.

The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says, "I'm not a Bush supporter."

The teacher says, "Why aren't you a Bush supporter?"

Johnny says, "I'm a John F. Kerry supporter." The teacher asks why he's a Kerry supporter. The boy says, "Well, my mom's a Kerry supporter, and my Dad's a Kerry supporter, so I'm a Kerry supporter!"

The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she says, "What if you're Mom was a moron, and you're dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"

Johnny says, "That would make me a Bush supporter."
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Old 10-23-2005, 02:53 PM   #23
E.T
Re: Say something funny

The only time an aircraft has too much fuel on board is when it is on fire.

When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.

Never fly the 'A' model of anything.

Don't ever let an airplane take you someplace where your brain hasn't arrived at least a couple of minutes earlier.

Instrument flying is when your mind gets a grip on the fact that there is vision beyond sight.

When a prang seems inevitable, endeavour to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity, as slowly and gently as possible.
— advice given to RAF pilots during W.W.II.


If you can't afford to do something right, then be darn sure you can afford to do it wrong.
— Charlie Nelso



The Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.
— attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot.

The thing is, helicopters are different from planes. An airplane by it's nature wants to fly, and if not interfered with too strongly by unusual events or by a deliberately incompetent pilot, it will fly. A helicopter does not want to fly. It is maintained in the air by a variety of forces and controls working in opposition to each other, and if there is any disturbance in this delicate balance the helicopter stops flying; immediately and disastrously. There is no such thing as a gliding helicopter.
This is why being a helicopter pilot is so different from being an airplane pilot, and why in generality, airplane pilots are open, clear-eyed, buoyant extroverts and helicopter pilots are brooding introspective anticipators of trouble. They know if something bad has not happened it is about to.
— Harry Reasoner, 1971

Do not spin this aircraft. If the aircraft does enter a spin it will return to earth without further attention on the part of the aeronaut.
— first handbook issued with the Curtis-Wright flyer.

A 10 cent fuse will protect itself by destroying the $2,000 radio to which it is attached.
— Robert Livingston, 'Flying The Aeronca.

If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible.
— Bob Hoover

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
-Douglas Adams

"Understanding is a three-edged word."
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Old 10-25-2005, 04:26 PM   #24
Bulent
Re: Say something funny

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
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Old 11-21-2005, 01:15 AM   #25
cheater388

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Re: Say something funny

I went on this new diet and, just in a week, I lost my annoying wife and kids!

Beat that, Jenny Craig!

alanwake is ungodly, you stole my clowd @&(*$ is ungodly, life is ungodly, max payne is ungodly...
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Old 11-27-2005, 11:38 AM   #26
morgan
Re: Say something funny

"I'm probley the best i know of" <- Best quote ever Napoleon Dynamite
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Old 11-28-2005, 12:18 PM   #27
TruB

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Re: Say something funny

an old volvo has broke down side of the road.. with the owner outside waving for help.
a ferrari driver stop and agrees on transporting the volvo connected with a rope between the cars.

they drive away and suddenly a porche speeds by.. the ferrari owner gets mad as hell and totaly forgets about the volvo behind him and gains speed..

the volvo owner panics and hangs on the horn to get the ferraris owners attention but he can hear him.

a further on the road is a police speeding control..
first the porche comes.. before the police manage to do anything the ferrari comes with the volvo behind with horn on..

the police runs to the car and get the radio and says..
- Bob you cant believe this.. first a porche speeds by and then a ferrari with a volvo honk behind trying to get past the ferrari..

played maxpayne2, 5 times.. want more. need more... give me more.. please can i have some more..
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Old 11-28-2005, 11:03 PM   #28
Bulent
Re: Say something funny

Talking Italian

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
''Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more.''

''You foul-mouthed swine,'' retorted the lady indignantly. ''In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public.''

''Hey, coola down lady,'' said the man. ''Imma just tella my friend howa to spella Mississippi.''
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Old 11-28-2005, 11:04 PM   #29
Bulent
Re: Say something funny

The End is Near

A priest and pastor from the local parishes are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car.
"Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he sped by. From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash.

"Do you think," said one clergy to the other, "we should just put up a sign that says 'Bridge Out' instead?"
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Old 11-28-2005, 11:05 PM   #30
Bulent
Re: Say something funny

A blonde comes home and finds her mom dead on the floor.
But she goes to work, and starts crying and her boss asks, "What's wrong?"

She says, "Well, my mom died."

He told her to go home but she said, "No, I'll be fine."

About an hour later her boss finds her crying again. He says, "What's wrong?"

And she says, "Well, I just talked to my sister, and her mom died too!"
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Old 11-28-2005, 11:18 PM   #31
Bulent
Re: Say something funny

What Not To Say To A Cop

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry, I didn't realize that my radar detector wasn't on.
3. Aren't you the guy from the village people?
4. Hey you must have been going 125mph just to keep up with me.
5. I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a cop.
6. Bad cop! No donut!
7. You're gonna check the trunk, aren't you?
8. I was going to be a cop, really, but I decided to finish high school.
9. I pay your salary.
10. That's terrific, the last guy only gave me a warning also.
11. Is that a 9mm? It's nothing compared to this .44 magnum!
12. What do you mean, have I been drinking? You're a trained specialist.
13. Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.
14. By the looks of that gut, I bet I can outrun you.
15. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on Cops?
16. Is it true people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
17. I was trying to keep up with traffic.
18. Yes, I know there are no other cars around—that's how far they are ahead of me.
19. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
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Old 11-28-2005, 11:34 PM   #32
remade

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Re: Say something funny

once upon time have snail,frog and spider.
They all playing card to table and drinking vodka.
Later the night they noticed that their vodka was ending.They decide sent to next round loser to vodka store get more drinks.
And snail lost next game.So,snail left get to drinks.
Time spent.....much.....much... they begin to nervous.
Last front door heard noise.Frog and spider running door looking what drinks snail was bring.
But,no! it's only doing leave!!!!

Bright Falls: There must be some kind of way out of here.
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Old 03-22-2007, 11:37 AM   #33
remade

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Re: Say something funny


I don't know about you guys,but i think this is funny.
Nothing against Swedish or American...especially Swedish




An American, a Finn and a Swede are in the sauna together. Suddenly there is a "beep beep" sound, and the American starts to look at the palm of his hand.

"What are you doing?" asks the Finn. The American replies

"This is the latest Motorola technology. I've got my pager embedded in the palm of my hand, so I don't have to carry it around any more."

Then the familiar old Nokia ring tone is heard, and the Finn starts looking at the palm of his hand.

"What are you doing?" ask the other guys. The Finn replies

"This is the latest Nokia technology. I've got my mobile phone embedded in the palm of my hand, so I don't have to carry it around any more."

The Swede thinks to himself that he'd better not be outdone by these guys, so he leaves the sauna. In a couple of minutes he returns, and there is toilet paper hanging out of his bum!

"What the hell is that??" shout the other guys in unison.

"I'm getting a fax." says the Swede.

Bright Falls: There must be some kind of way out of here.
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Old 03-22-2007, 05:38 PM   #34
X360Ghost

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Re: Say something funny

That reminds me of this one: http://www.roligaklipp.se/nokia-vs-ericsson,464.html

Its pretty much the same, except there is no sauna and all three are swedish.
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Old 03-22-2007, 10:53 PM   #35
bigbird99
Re: Say something funny

a man is really religious and he had spoken to god. and god had said that if something ever happens i will save u.

well the mans house was flooding and the water covered the first floor and a boat drove by with a man saying let me save u, and the man said oh no the good lord will save me. so now the man is on the second floor and another boat drove by and the guy in the boat said i will save u. the man in the house said oh no the good lord will save me. so now the man is on the roof, and a helicopter flew by and they said we will save u. the man on the roof says oh no the good lord will save me.

u see the man dround and died. he went to heaven and said to god. why didn't u save me from drouning. the lord said.... I did, i sent 2 boats and a helicopter and u declined all 3
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Old 03-25-2007, 09:04 AM   #36
Coak

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Re: Say something funny

Quote:
Originally Posted by bigbird99 View Post
a man is really religious and he had spoken to god. and god had said that if something ever happens i will save u.

well the mans house was flooding and the water covered the first floor and a boat drove by with a man saying let me save u, and the man said oh no the good lord will save me. so now the man is on the second floor and another boat drove by and the guy in the boat said i will save u. the man in the house said oh no the good lord will save me. so now the man is on the roof, and a helicopter flew by and they said we will save u. the man on the roof says oh no the good lord will save me.

u see the man dround and died. he went to heaven and said to god. why didn't u save me from drouning. the lord said.... I did, i sent 2 boats and a helicopter and u declined all 3
Sadly, that reminds me of actual fanatically religious people.

Yes, you.
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Old 05-19-2007, 11:10 PM   #37
Ufomies
Re: Say something funny

Ok, since I have had no real intention to read all the posts in this thread, I can't be sure if this one is anything new to you guys or not, but couldn't help myself thinking about it...

---
So, there's this helicopter pilot, who's supposed to take his passenger to some undisclosed destination and all the sudden a lot of thick fog begins emerging all around the copter. After a while all of the navigational systems go down and therefore the pilot is flying more or less blind.

Then, this huge building with big glass windows starts coming up ahead and there's a lot of people staring at them and pointing out the helicopter with their fingers, as it's coming closer, so the pilot thinks it could be a good idea to ask for the directions. So, he flies as close to one of the windows as safely possible and tells the passenger to take a big sheet of paper and write down the words: "WHERE ARE WE?"

After showing the question to the people inside, they see how the crowd inside the building start running around and after a while they come up with another sheet of paper, stating: "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." Then the helicopter pilot just takes off again and in just twenty minutes the have already landed safely on the nearest airport.

So, the passenger is really amazed by all this and asks the pilot: "How on Earth did you know where we were?" So, the pilot replies: "Those people gave us an answer, which was technically correct, but totally useless. Therefore I knew they had to be working for Microsoft as tech support."
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Old 05-20-2007, 12:04 AM   #38
Fjällräven

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Re: Say something funny

This is a pretty lame joke I heard yesterday.
What has Grand father at the family dinner and U.S. troops in Iraq got in common?

They don't know when to go home .

"All a soldier needs is his rifle, his ammunition and his tea"
Winston Churchill
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Old 05-22-2007, 09:59 PM   #39
Ufomies
Re: Say something funny

Quote:
Originally Posted by TruB View Post

"suddenly a porche speeds by.. "

"first the porche comes.. "

"first a porche speeds by"
How difficult can it be to at least try writing the name correctly? I mean, it's not like PORSCHE isn't something you haven't noticed, is it? After all, it's just as lame as writing "Ferarri" and that's something you didn't manage to do. Sure, I'm just another European bitching about it, but then again, it can't be too difficult or can it?

Missed the whole idea of the joke, while trying to cope with that idiotic spelling error. Got me too annoyed.
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Old 05-22-2007, 10:08 PM   #40
Ufomies
Re: Say something funny

Quote:
Originally Posted by remade View Post
"I'm getting a fax." says the Swede.
That's a remake of an old joke I saw on a local newspaper or something, when I was a kid.

The final was a bit different, though, as it was the Finn to come up with a good answer... He farted and said: "I think I'm receiving a fax."

Then again, a lot of jokes are just remakes these days.
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