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Winter Falls

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  • Winter Falls

    Tittle: Winter Falls
    Genre: Mystery Thriller
    Reminder: I can't post more than this because of the character limit. There is alot more to this story than this. I plan to make this book a thick one. I don't want to make alot of threads then it will be confusing. I don't want to change this to another chapter because I want all the readers to be on the same page and understand it all. Please leave a comment on what you think of it. I would like your opinions.


    On May 21, 2010 it was time to leave high school. The time to go out on my own has come. Everyone had that last sad goodbye with all their friends at the prom. It feels good to go to college, but that fact that you won’t ever see your friends again makes you wish high school never ended. Fortunately for me, it didn’t end like that. Max, Seth, Denis and I were all accepted to a college in a small town called Winter Falls.
    It was a long journey to Winter Falls, especially since it was in Washington. We were all stuck south in the hot city of Houston. We decided to take a road trip instead. We all wanted to enjoy the journey. The trip would take a week, maybe more.
    We had all funny moments you could imagine college friends having. Max tried some beer thinking it wouldn’t be that bad, the next thing we know it outgrew his addition to gum. Denis almost got a ticket for speeding and we almost got broke on the road. Seth got into an argument with some stupid ladies man and floored him because he was drunk and tried to sock him in the face. Me, I just didn’t do anything stupid.
    I didn’t want to stay in Houston forever. The place was dirty and hot. I wanted to go to college and live somewhere cold, filled with much more wildlife and not so noisy with sirens. It drove me nuts to hear them every night when I sleep. It was comforting sometimes, but most of the time I didn’t like it.

    Finally we arrive in Winter Falls. The state was filled with green woods and bone chilling weather. We drove our way to the college, it was huge. The grounds extended as long as a baseball field. It was more beautiful than I thought.
    I wanted to take courses in writing. At first I wanted to be a photographer, and have been since I was a kid, but writing came to me later in life and it grew on me. I grew a strong liking towards it. It possessed me like a devil invading someone’s body. It eventually evolved into an obsession. I could hardly concentrate in class sometimes.
    We were all next door roommates. I was roommates with Max. Denis and Seth were roommates. We got settled in and soon enough we started classes. We were all doing great and still had fun times. Seth told us that Denis put chili powder under his nose to wake him up for class.
    Days went by, and everything was great. One day on June 5th on a weekend, Max and I were watching the news and it was announced that a graduate named Ryan Summers was found dead. A reporter said that his body was dislocated beyond human strength, half his blood was drained and somehow his eyes were black. Two days later after the report, there was another report that his body had disappeared from the morgue his body was stored in. They couldn’t find any evidence of entrance or exit from the morgue.
    People around the university started talking, guessing on what might have happened. Everyone was wondering what and why. The next day, students started disappearing from the college and Winter Falls. The bodies were found like Ryan Summers, dislocated beyond the human strength and the eyes were blacked out. My friends and I got worried.
    We decided to look into the murders to see if we could find anything. We got a look at the victims list online and we figured out a connection. All the people that were missing were the people who were talking about the murder of Ryan Summers. The connection was clear, and it made sense. In a college like this, everybody knew everybody.
    The day after the discovery of the links of the victims, we reported it to the police. As time when on that day, weird things started happening to me. I had nightmares of dark things. Shadows were coming to life, taking people away. No one could believe me, but the nightmares then became more than just a dream.
    My name is David Foster. I am a 17 year old graduate who just came to the wrong place to learn.

    Chapter 1: Prom Night

    It was the prom night, the last celebration before it was official that we graduated. It was 7:30 PM, and it was dark. I was in my room at home, thinking of what would happen after this night. The though gave me the idea of missing prom, to sleep and wake up the next morning like any other day. I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to enjoy this night.
    I could remember the day I was excited to get into high school. I was 14 years old, and I was relieved to get out of middle school. I never liked middle school. The kids were mean, and vicious. The parents didn’t do anything about it, they just didn’t care for their kids behaviors.
    Max was short for his age. He was 18, and was 5”10 and was the shortest of the group. Denis was younger than Max. He was 17 and was a little taller. Seth was taller than both of them. He was 6”0 and was an African American 19 year old, which made him the oldest. I was 6”1, I was the tallest and I was 17 years old.
    I was the one who wanted to move out of Houston because of the dirty air and the big city. I hated living in a city where every time you took a breath, the smell of gas and waste filled your nose. Every bayou we passed smelled like the sewer, and there was so much crime. I especially hated the hot weather. I couldn’t wait until I could finally leave, and now that time has come.
    My friends and I were all sitting at a 4 chaired table. I was thinking that we would all have our 4 dates right next to us, but they all got sick and couldn’t come so we were dateless. Seth’s girlfriend got the flu, Denis’s girlfriends got the flu from Seth’s girl friend, Max’s was out of town and mine just didn’t come.
    I had to think of something to do. I couldn’t let this night go bad. This night was something I wanted to look back on and remember. I suggested that we should go see a movie, or get something to eat. They all agreed to it, and didn’t show any hesitation.
    We went to go to a thriller, and a good one. All of us were talking about the movie after we walked out of the theater. The movie was called Blood Bonds. The movie was about 2 twin brothers being hunted by a dark presence. One twin brother has to kill the other because he was possessed by the dark presence.
    Seth was pumped from the movie, Denis was tired and Max was disappointed. Max didn’t like the movie. He didn’t like it because of how the storyline was set up. Max was always picky when it came to movies. I was hoping he would like this movie, but that was just me.
    “That movie sucked, it wasn’t worth it.” “Really, you didn’t like the movie?” I said disappointingly. “No I didn’t, it was that bad to me.” I was guilty that Max didn’t like it, but I eventually let it go.
    After the movie, we all went home for the night. I was tired by the time I got home. I walked into the front door of my house. I felt tired enough that I felt weak in my legs. I felt like I was brain dead, like I couldn’t think straight.
    “Dave, you don’t look so good. You should go to bed.” My mother said with worry. I told her not to worry, and that I was just tired. She still felt worried because she said I looked pale.
    When I reached my room, my head felt heavy. I lied by whole body on the bed. The feeling of relaxation overcame me. I didn’t even care about the clothes I had on. My heavy eyes closed, and I dozed off into a deep sleep.
    I woke up in my room. The house was quiet. I checked to clock on my bedside table, it was 2:00 AM. I went to bed at 11:00, so I only got 3 hours of sleep. I somehow felt energized, like as if I got a whole day’s worth of sleep.
    I had to think of what to do. I couldn’t stay up all night. A sleeping pill was the best solution I could come up with. I would have to quietly sneak into the bathroom across from my room. My mother’s room was downstairs.
    I opened my door, and slowly walked my way to the bathroom. The floor creaked in ways that it seemed like the house was very old. I was about 15 feet away from the door, until I heard a loud thump. The sound seemed to come from down stairs. Fear crippled its way into my stomach.
    I wanted to see what might have happened. Did something fall? Was my mother still up? I doubted that, the fact that my mother was up this late would be unusual. I decided to go see for myself.
    I walked down stairs, not keeping a slow pace. I looked into the darkness of the living room, and there didn’t seem to be anything. I walked slowly towards the dark room, and looked around. As I scoped the room I suddenly see a dark figure, sitting in a chair. The dark figure sat perfectly still, and I didn’t want to walk in front of it.
    My curiosity got the best of me, so I walked in front of it. I stared at it, waiting for a reaction or movement. The figure just sat there, with its head hanging down. I went a little closer to get a better look, but I still couldn’t make out the face. Suddenly, I started to feel sick.
    I heard something outside in the backyard. I walked over to a window, and I saw nothing. Suddenly, something black flashed in front of the window. I threw myself to the ground, crawling away from the window. I watched it as I sat there in the middle of the living room floor.
    Suddenly I started to think about the dark figure, sitting down. I pictured it standing behind me, like something that would happen in a horror movie. I prepared myself to see it standing behind me, waiting for me to turn. I was afraid of what would happen then. I turn around quickly and the figure was gone.
    I was afraid of where it would be. I pictured the figure walking around the house waiting for my confrontation. The thought filled me with fear, and I got up from the floor and ran for the stairs. I looked up at the foot of the stairs to see nothing there. I run up the stairs without hesitation.
    I reach the top of the stair case, and sprinted for my room. When I reached the door to my room, I heard the bathroom door creak open behind me. I got in my room, shut the door and locked it. I backed up from the door, my heart beating fast and my head pounding. I heard footsteps towards my door.
    I could only assume it was the dark figure on the other side. I wait for the sudden breaking down of the door, but something else happens. There was just a knock on the door, it seemed more terrifying. I stand there staring at the door, not even thinking of asking whose there. I wanted to think this was a dream, but it felt so real.
    The knocking didn’t continue after the first, there was just silence. Suddenly there was a pound on the door. It went on continuously, the door shaking violently. A crack appeared on the face of the door, I knew I had to hide before the dark figure broke in. I looked around the room in panic, looking for a place to hide.
    I looked at my wardrobe. It was big enough for me to fit. I ran towards it and hid myself in the wardrobe. When I closed the wardrobe door, I heard the door break down. I could hear the footsteps of the dark figure in my room.
    I heard animalistic growls outside the wardrobe. The sounds frightened me. I had to calm myself so I could think straight of what to do. I was able to calm myself down as I heard the growls and footsteps outside the wardrobe. After a minute of hearing the fearful sounds and footsteps, I heard the footsteps leaving my room, and walking downstairs.
    I cracked opened the wardrobe door, and peeked out of it. The door was smashed in half. Everything else was perfectly intact. I went to my doorway and peeked down the stairs. I saw no movement, and I walked towards the stairs.
    I figured I would have to leave the house, and figure something out from there. I wasn’t safe in here, especially with the dark figure wondering around. I wanted to try to get out of the house quietly. I wanted to try to sneak down stairs without alerting what was in the house with me. There was only one problem, I didn’t know if my mother was ok.
    I wanted to go check, and see for myself but my first priority would be to alert the police. I thought of what my mother would want me to do. Suddenly something she told me when I was only 13 came into my head. “Dave, if anything happens to me it’s important that you get out of danger. Your life is more important to me.”
    The thought that my mother might be dead filled me with sadness, and I wasn’t in the situation to break down. I had to get out of this house, and find a way to alert the police. Before I head downstairs I would have to bring something with me. I would need a flashlight, and something else for defending myself. I looked around the room for what I could use.
    I come across a combat knife that I got from a general store. With that and my flashlight, I could get out of here. I turned on my flashlight and through my doorway. I walked to the steps of the stairs, walking down them slowly. My heart began to race as I mentally prepared for an encounter when I reached the bottom.
    When I reached the bottom, I flashed my light into the dark living room. There was nothing there. I reached for the doorknob to the front door. When I put my hand on the doorknob, I saw the dark figure throw its self into the front door. It was staring at me, growling fiercely at me.
    I jumped away from the door, breathing heavily as I stared at the dark figure. I saw the figure move its mouth, suddenly making loud roar. It didn’t sound like a roar any animal would make, it sounded different and horrifying. I covered my ears as the loud vibration of the roar made the glass of the front door break. Before I could realize it, the door flew open.
    When the door opened, it got on its hands and started to crawl. I backed up as it crawled towards me, and it wasn’t a slow crawl. I fell to the floor, being at the same level as it was. It soon came up to my feet and started to come close. It tried to get to my face, but I took action.
    I took my combat knife and stabbed the side of its head. It roared with pain and anger as it backed off of me. It stood back up as I watched it pull the knife out of its head. It was still alive. Shadows crawled all over its body exposing its facial features. It was my mother.
    I felt sick to my stomach. I wanted to vomit. All this time it was my own damn mother trying to kill me. I screamed inside my own head as I started at my mother. It started to walk in a zombie like way towards me. In panic, I grab my flashlight and point it towards her.
    The light seemed to hurt her. The darkness covering her seemed to burn off. She stumbled around the room in pain, roaring as loud as a lion. I cover my ears, and keep pointing my flashlight on her. “What is this?” I thought.
    Suddenly a flash came off of her body. The darkness covering her body was gone, and her body just stood there and then fell to the ground. I lied there on the floor staring at her fearfully. It lied there, motionless. I crawled toward her body. Suddenly I go into a dream like state.
    I was looking through the eyes of something flying through the air. I began to panic when I realized I was looking through the eyes of something that was flying inside the house. I could feel my heart and head pounding hard. Whatever was flying flew through the air swiftly down from the top floor, landing behind me. It was coming for me.
    I couldn’t control myself. I just stood there with a horrific look on my face. I wanted to close my eyes, but I couldn’t. Suddenly I see it charge at me, covering me in darkness. Suddenly I find myself waking up in my bed and somehow tucked in. I ran downstairs to see my mother in bed, still sleeping and unharmed.
    Last edited by DavidFoster; 10-29-2010, 12:30 AM. Reason: Changing things in the post
    A cold wind blew into his face, chilling him to the bone. He stopped and looked up at the gray sky which soon would be a black as his thoughts.

  • #2
    Re: Winter Falls

    Hey buddy, I read you story. It's like a mixture of Alan Wake and Twine peaks too me, of course with some brand new ideas. I don't know if it's you first work or not, but it's good.

    I'm not a writer but as a reader, I'd say you can do even better than this. One of the things I really like when I read a story is how the writer has described the scene. My best example is Harry Potter stories. When I read those stories, I really feel the presence of characters and the atmosphere and I really share feelings with characters.

    The way you shaped the story was good, but I think you should put some extra work on how you describe the scenes so that the reader gets really involved.

    For example here:
    Ryan Summers was found dead. A reporter said that his body was dislocated beyond human strength, half his blood was drained and somehow his eyes were black. Two days later after the report, there was another report that his body had disappeared from the morgue his body was stored in. They couldn’t find any evidence of entrance or exit from the morgue.
    It think, too many happenings have occurred in 2-3 lines. Ryan who is one of the important character of your story as I understood, is introduced, murdered, found dead, disappeared. Maybe you could branch all of this incidents to a standalone chapter or so.

    and here:
    I went a little closer to get a better look, but I still couldn’t make out the face. Suddenly, I started to feel sick.
    I heard something outside in the backyard. I walked over to a window
    there is something wrong here. Seeing the dark figure, the chatacter feels sick and shocked. this is one of the climaxes of the story. You'd better keep it a little longer to interest the reader berofe you go for the falling action. But in this deathlike situation, the character just moves to see what's happening outside the window. There is a gap here.

    I believe you could become a talented writer. Just keep working. You can also try original ideas.

    As a side note, those who want to write a story( Escape Literature) to interest fans and also have economical interests, most of the times use omniscient point of view in which the writer is free to go into the minds of all characters, keep some secrets to the very end and, show the thought and feelings of all characters and create a strong connection between them.

    As I said, I'm just the reader of the stories. Look at this comment just as some suggestions.
    Good luck!
    Origami models on my YouTube: GeneTheWinter


    • #3

      I canceled this story for personal reasons. I decided I wanted to write this out more differently. Read it anyway if it interests you, and comment if you wish.

      A cold wind blew into his face, chilling him to the bone. He stopped and looked up at the gray sky which soon would be a black as his thoughts.